if u manage to find this blog it means u really still bother about my life.
this is the only platform i can write out my thoughts and feelings without having u know directly.
i wont say anything about this to u and pretend that everything's okay with my life when in fact it isnt.
every night i will think of u b4 i sleep and i just cant stop thinking that way.
i will look back and think of every single memory we had tgt, things just didnt go my way.
many times i wish i could have done things a diff way and maybe we would be a whole better right now.
deep down in my heart i still love u, i have tried my best to forget u but it just wont go away. i have tried all sorts of methods, but u keep popping up in my mind all day.
i can only pretend that im over u so u will at least talk to me. each time u say hurting words to me i just pretend it doesnt matter and put it all behind me but the fact is im very bothered by what ur doing everyday and every min.
but this makes u feel very controlled by me, i apologise but i just cant help worrying for u.
do u still rmb the 1st time u saw me.. u didnt notice i existed till week 2 of beijing trip.
but right from the start, during the briefing sessions, i have alrdy noticed this purple jacket 'ahlian' who stood out from everyone cos of ur height.
i wanted to know u but i didnt know how to start, so i just let it go.
i still rmb the moment we got off the bus and headed to the bitc dorms u had trouble carrying ur luggage up the stairs and i offered to help, but sadly u didnt even notice me yet.
from the time miss yarny gathered the christians out, i was really shocked to see u!
i look back and think its really fate that brought us to know each other, if ms yarny didnt gathered us, maybe we would not even have started talking to each other during that time.
since then i always tried to talk to u and made an effort to have u take notice of me.
but then came the panda man who claims he has a panda in his house..
and i still dunno why u and jas can still believe what he says even after u all find out the truth.
I have seen this. But I just wana say move on pls.. you've hurt me enough. I've once given u chance but it's all vanity. We are all adults now so I hope you can see a fuller picture. Sometimes I feel you are really very selfish. Look at all the things you did. The lateness, the excuses, the contradiction words, the lies, all the personal attacks you've given me. I don't know how much u can love a person cos how u love is to hurt the person which is me. You only blames me but forever you woudlnt look at what you did from the past. Everything happens for a reason and your reason is just that I my feelings change. Have you ever thought why y feelings will change? You never. You just say whatever you want to your frds etc which I didnt even do that. I just hope you will learnt from this exp of how to treat a girl well and stop thinking is the girl's fault. thanks.
ReplyDeleteand I do hope you know wad you want and know that love is not wad you have always thought. pls read my fav verse 1corinthians 13:4-8 and you will know what have you been giving me. whether they tally. anw it's over so pls done with it. I don't want u to come telling me how bad i am that i wana eat free dinner or I do not wana pay u back when i have the money to pay u when i rather go get my phone when u tell me to take my time. As well as demanding me to sms or contact u when last time my phone spoil and now i got a new one u say i dun wan return u money. hahaha.. wad a joke. u can post whatever you want to tell the people around you how poor thing u r and wad a bitch i am. Thanks jake.
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